13TH June is an important date! This is a very important date in my life. This is the day on which my father was born. This is the same day on which my father got married too! Thus, 13th June has lots of significance. And I do sincerely hope that this article will be posted on the website on or before the 13th of June. Everything is in the hands of the computer people!
On this day, I remember, one serious conversation I had with my father, sometime in February 2023. During this month, we took father to the one of the corporate hospitals at Hyderabad for a thorough health checkup. Got every possible and conceivable test done. Finally, we ran around every expert doctor showing the test results – for instance, for the eyes we went to an oculist, for the nerves we went to a neurologist. In this specific instance we met the cardiologist.
Meeting the doctors with the test results was more like a parent teacher meeting! No teacher would give a good report of your ward! Similarly, no doctor would tell the patient ‘You are in good health’. I guess it is prohibited for the doctors to say that! The cardiologist said, after going through a mass of X ray and other reports, the following. My father was sitting on a chair before the doctor, and I was standing next to him. The doctor said: ‘For the sake of clarity, I wish to point out that there are four valves to the heart. Two takes blood inside and the other two pumps the blood out. In every human being these are there. My father was 83 years old. The doctor, while keeping a wooden face, said – three of the valves are blocked by about 80% and the remaining one is blocked by over 50%. I’m prescribing certain medicines. Please continue to use them.
Obviously, discussions did take place at that time. What about a surgery to remove those blocks? ‘That you have to say sir,’ said the doctor. At this stage I cannot say anything. If you want to go for an operation, then I will perform it. But as a doctor I will not recommend it in the present circumstances. Of course you can seek other opinions. There the discussion with the doctor ended. We came back home via the Taj Mahal Hotel, Abids.
My father was feeling low and obviously was scared & sad. It is a catch 22 situation. You have to choose between the devil and deep sea; life and death – the advanced age factor and the body’s ability to withstand a surgery. Personally, I will not prefer such an operation, as there are serious consequences. My siblings and other relations said we’ve got to take a chance; we have to go for the operation! They spoke a lot, but I was maintaining silence. Lots of heated discussions – whether to have an operation or not. Throughout those discussions I kept stoically mum.
Few days later, while sipping a cup of tea, which I usually prepare every morning and evening for father, he asked what do you have to say? Whether to have an operation or not? I’m scared. I replied scared of what sir? Eventually we all, everybody has to die. And death has no age. I might be gone the next moment. So, when something is inevitable, when something is certain, and something is very serious that you need to face alone, why should you be scared? Death is the cessation of life! There is nothing to be scared of sir, because we do not know what death is! You do not understand…Don’t you feel scared Gopal?
My answer would be no for the following reasons sir. All doctors are idiots. They do not know much. They follow trial and error method. Everybody part in our body is interconnected. If you perform surgery on some part, then the other parts are mysteriously affected. No, I don’t want you to have an operation because only going till the ICU of a hospital is in our hands. But coming out of the hospital is not in our hands, sir. We have to depend on doctor’s mercy!
When you take the statistics i.e., the holistic hospital statistics of the people who have gone to super specialty hospitals, the percentage of people who have returned from the hospitals in good health is negligible. I want, if you ask me how I wish to exit from this world, I would like to rather go like my grandfather and great grandfather sitting quietly at home. I wish to exit from this world at home, not in a hospital. I wish to exit in the presence of all my family members. These days the trend has changed. No one wants to die at home; everybody wants to die in hospital with many pipes inserted in the nose in the mouth in the stomach, almost everywhere!
It is more dehumanizing. You are no more treated like a human being. Your dignity is lost. How should I feel when someone drains my urine pipe? And I am watching incapable of doing anything. I don’t like it. I would rather prefer to stay in my room, to stay with my books and to do the most important or the loveliest thing that I would want to do, and in that process, I go away. This is my choicest way of quitting the world. But should you decide that you should opt for a surgery, I am the first person to stand by you. The tea is over! Both of us always had a clove after tea to keep the mouth fresh.
My father stayed quiet for a long time; did not speak at all; he seemed to be in a deep contemplation; he then slowly said that he has decided not to opt for surgery. I feel that this is a highly respectable and a brave decision. Had he elected to opt for that surgery, probably even those few days which he could have stayed comfortably would certainly have become scarce. He was brave, he faced his culmination of life like a hero. I pray the God to give me similar courage as my father.
A month later, on 23rd March of that year, my father had his food; had his medicine; went to the bedroom, switched on the fan, lied down on his favorite bed comfortably, closed eyes. For few hours we all thought that he was sleeping; decided not to disturb him. He quit the world in his sleep, while staying in the house he had lovingly built. He had quit the world while lying on his years old bed, in familiar surroundings. There was that quietness in the house. The birds were chirping. You can even hear the sound of a dried teak wood leaf of falling in the front garden. You could smell the distant scent of the garden flowers. He closed his eyes forever.
And this day 13th June, the day my father was born and got married on the same day, I am remembering that serious conversation I had with him. Probably no father and son would ever have such a discussion. He walked out of this planet earth unaided, independently and with dignity.
This day i.e., 13th June is an important day for this was the day he got married to the most beautiful woman ever born on this planet earth. It is a wonder till date as to how this fellow managed to convince her for marriage! It’s a wonder and shall eternally remain so for me. I am continuing to search for such a beauty…till date unsuccessful. My father was a lucky man to get the company of the most beautiful women for life. Secretly, I envy my father’s luck! Frankly speaking. I feel jealous of the beauty of your wife sir.
I want you to know sir, I remember you and your beautiful wife, with lots of love, respect and humility. I thank you both for giving me an eternal blessing by giving me the honor of being your son. What more can I ever ask the God, sir?
About the Author
Dr. K. Raja Gopal Reddy is a seasoned internationally qualified Insurance professional. What you are reading here, may not answer all the questions we have, but has the absolute power of asking unsettling questions which increase the interest in the strange world, and show the contradictory wonders lying just below the surface of the commonest things of life. Look at this disturbing but beautiful thought of Friedrich Nietzsche “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him”.
Dr. Reddy can be reached at: raja66gopal@gmail.com
