Through this piece I wish to state and prove beyond any doubt and faith that I am the greatest Hindu and devotee ever born on this planet earth. No greater Hindu was ever born before I. In the same line I also wish to declare that no future Hindu will be as great as me. This is a record unsurpassable forever.
I hereby warn you all readers; do not even think of becoming a greater Hindu than I, because even imagining it is impossible. Your mind will refuse to think. It will go blank. If you think I am challenging all Hindus of the past, present and future, then let it be so. I am challenging you all. If you still do not agree, then read the entire piece. What I am stating here will be self-evident.
Every devout Hindu agrees that:
Vishnu is a God.
Shiva is a God.
Lakshmi is a Goddess.
Saraswathi is a Goddess.
Rama is a God.
Balaji is a God.
Thus, I can go on writing about various Gods, but I stop myself here, rather forcefully.
I am a Hindu. I worship Lord Vishnu, Goddess Lakshmi, Lord Shiva, God Balaji and Goddess Parvathi. I can go on writing the names of various Gods to vindicate the fact that I am a devout worshipping Hindu, like my ancestor family, but I stop myself here, rather forcefully.
I grew up seeing the most beautiful idols of Lord Vishnu, Lord Rama, Lord Balaji Goddess Sita, Goddess Kali, and many other Gods and Goddesses in various temples. Like my ancestor family, I too went to temples regularly and celebrated every Hindu festival by fasting, climbing the 7 Hills, walking hundreds of kilometers barefooted and walking on the knees. These rituals indicate a profound act of devotion, penance, or gratitude, performed to fulfill vows or show extreme humility before the divine. This practice is observed in various traditions, including Buddhist pilgrimages and Hindu rituals at places like Tirumala (Mokalla Parvatham).
In spite of having a one room and small tenement, every Hindu house has a Puja corner. They always have room for the Gods. In the puja room, we keep various images and framed photographs of Gods and Goddesses. We worshipped them every day.
In these images our Hindu Gods are either standing, sitting, or lying down on a bed. Millions of Hindus like me worship Lord Balaji. A huge, beautiful idol made of black stone stands in the temple on the Seven Hills. We perform various sevas such as Suprabhata seva (the first seva that awakens the Lord with hymns); Thomala Seva (the Lord is adorned with flowers); Archana (worship of the deity) Sahasra Deepalankara Seva (evening seva with thousands of lamps); Tiruppavada Seva (offering food); Abhishekam (sacred bath); Vastralankara Seva (decorating with clothes) and we conclude with Ekantha Seva (the final, intimate service at night). All these sevas are acts of extreme devotion and gratitude to Lord Balaji.
We eat the food offered to God as prasad. We believe that it was eaten by God and that what is left over is distributed as prasad. It is holy to eat prasad. By doing so, we believe that the blessings of the lord are with us and should He desire, may even grant us salvation. This is all is a part of our belief system and is inherent in every Hindu.
As all our Gods have hands (many of our Gods have more than two hands), legs, nose, eyes, etc. They are exactly like the humans. All the sevas we offer to God are what we do in our daily life. That is the way our religion is depicted for thousands of years. Therefore, it is as logical to imagine as performing the Ekantha Seva (the final, intimate service at night) as to imagine that Lord Balaji will use bathroom to urinate and to shit. He must be having a bathroom. He must be urinating and using latrine too. This interpretation is not unfair, as most Gods has multiple wives and many children, just like us. Thus, the bathroom interpretation becomes logical. It also indicates devotional correctness.
As stated earlier that I am the greatest Hindu and devotee ever born on this planet earth. Let me prove my point by stating that it will be a honor and blessing if I get to eat Lord Balaji’s shit and drink his urine as it would wash away all my past sins. Let Lord Balaji’s shit be my prasad. Let His urine be my Theertham (or Tirtha).
Theertham (or Tirtha) is sacred water given to devotees in Hindu temples, representing divine blessings and spiritual purification. It is often water used to wash the deity’s feet (Charanamrita) or idol, usually mixed with ingredients like Tulsi (holy basil) or sandalwood. It is consumed to cleanse the mind and soul. Thus, drinking the urine will bless me with Moksha. I wish to take a holy dip in Goddess Lakshmi’s urine so that she would bless me with all riches.
I am the greatest Hindu and devotee ever born on this planet earth. I eat holy cow dung and drink cow milk. How blessed would I be to drink the urine of Goddess Lakshmi and to eat Lord Balaji’s shit? This very act will enable me attain salvation and a boon of no – rebirth from the God.
I will thus become “Aham Brahmasmi” (अहं ब्रह्मास्मि) “I am Brahman” or “I am the Absolute Reality”. It signifies the belief that the individual soul (Atman) is essentially one with the universal consciousness. It is not an expression of ego, but an awakening to one’s divine nature.
Now do you now realize as to why I am the greatest Hindu and devotee ever born on this planet earth. Because I alone am blessed with the boon of eating the shit of the Gods and drinking their holy urine. No greater Hindu was ever born before I and that no future Hindu will be as great as me.
About the Author
Dr. K. Raja Gopal Reddy is a seasoned internationally qualified Insurance professional. What you are reading here, may not answer all the questions we have, but has the absolute power of asking unsettling questions which increase the interest in the strange world, and show the contradictory wonders lying just below the surface of the commonest things of life. Look at this disturbing but beautiful thought of Friedrich Nietzsche “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him”. Dr. Reddy can be reached at: raja66gopal@gmail.com
