Father’s 3rd month ceremony was completed few days ago. Difficult to think that already over 100 days have gone by in his absence. How quickly the injuries heal! All I can think is (as brainwashed) that my father has gone to heaven, where all comforts for eternal life are present. Many more I am told: His soul is resting in peace; He will be reborn; We must remember him every day; Recite the Hindu Vedic mantras (majority are meaningless) for his soul’s comfort; He will be joining the adobe of the lord Vishnu; His soul is hovering over here; His photos need to be kept neat etc. etc. Fully Brainwashed.
Many animals die; many people died through the ages. No one above 100 years is alive today. They are either cremated or buried. Their number is countless. Computing it is beyond the capacity of human mind & computer too. Imagine, if all those people were alive today… earth cannot take it all. The entire oxygen is consumed in a moment. There can never be any space for anyone to stand, if all were to be alive! Earth cannot fit them all. Belief is that all the departed souls are existing either in heaven or hell. It means both heaven & hell must be full with these souls. Under these circumstances; it is difficult to imagine if my parents are in heaven or hell.
After 100 days, I am certain that I will never meet Reddy Saab again. I know that we will never speak to each other the way we used to do. Those cups of tea were prepared with infinite care and patience; tasting it you used to say “No one has made such tasty tea; I never had such a tea in life”. No one will say these words! All I am left with is 5 am tea every morning in solitude.
Washing clothes in the Whirlpool fully automatic washing machine; transferring them to the Whirlpool dryer; bringing the hot clothes into the house; folding them neatly… I know no one will watch or appreciate me doing these things. The washing and the drying machines are lying there neglected and unused.
Every corner of the house has your smell, memory and they were all touched by you at some time or the other! Some places do exist in the house which were not touched by us during the last 100-odd days; I believe to say they may still have your fingerprints. Your residue hair in the hair trimmer; shaving kit and the broken mirror; your neatly folded clothes which you got them washed, in spite of my protests are still lying there in the cupboard. And they may wait for an eternity for their owner!
I was lying on your bed recently; I switched on your air conditioner which we got serviced 4 months ago. For a long time, I did not move out of your bed. Your bathroom has a used Duco soft Bathing bar on a stand. I let it remain there. The washbasin, the bathroom mirror, the mug and the bucket; and some toilet cleaning liquids – I felt you in each of them Reddy Saab.
I went into the kitchen sir, the plates in which we ate and the stained steel glasses in which we had our ‘tea moments’, the spoons, the knives and the Laxmi gas stove they all asked in unison “Why are we not being used? What’s wrong with us?” Your refrigerator still working tirelessly and is trying its best to work with a fading hope, that you would use the dry fruits that you kept in the deep freezer.
Do you know who comes to perform monthly pujas? These are good people. They tell comforting lies always… that you are safe with God! And much against my entire being, I believe it fully. These gentlemen are Mr. VANGIPURAM SHASHANK, Yagnikulu and Mr. VANGIPURAM SRINIVASACHARYULU, Purohitulu, Prabandha Parayanam of Hyderabad.
You told me not to lie; not to believe lies. You insisted that I speak truth; and believe only in truth. All my life I tried my best to follow it, though, you know sometimes, I thought & believed otherwise. After 100 days, allow me to tell you sir, I love the lies of M/s V.Shashank & V. Srinivasacharyulu. I love them so much that probably till my death I will believe in them. They lie – you are safe with God and I happily believe it. They lie that you are hungry up there and I give loads of good food here; they lie that you need good clothes out there, I buy new Raymond’s clothes to give. I did not ask ‘If you are safe with God, why do you need all the stuff from here?’ Why should I ask? Those lies keep my mind at peace.
What these people did not tell me was if you need medicines out there. I can buy all of them again, if they are not available with the CGHS. What they did not tell me was if you need the shaving kit and the ‘Old Spice’ after shave lotion out there. Gillette 7 O clock & Old spice in your kit were last used 100 days ago. Shall I order fresh stock from Amazon? Let me know.
If I am to believe in these wonderful, exciting and good lies for the residue life, why did you tell me to speak & trust truth? What is the use of all that education about truth which you had imparted? I am confused about the truth & the lies. For me they became one. I believe in the lie that you and your wife began a new life out there. That you are sitting there enjoying a heartfelt chat with my grandfather. Don’t you think 100 days are a long enough period to let me know what keeps you occupied out there?
About the Author
Dr. K. Raja Gopal Reddy is a seasoned internationally qualified Insurance professional.
What you are reading here, may not answer all the questions we have, but has the absolute power of asking unsettling questions which increase the interest in the strange world, and show the contradictory wonders lying just below the surface of the commonest things of life. Look at this disturbing but beautiful thought of Friedrich Nietzsche “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him”.
Dr. Reddy can be reached at: raja66gopal@gmail.com
